he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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