He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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