Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
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