just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
