If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
