We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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