would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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