I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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