When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
