So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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