She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
