There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my being single is dangerous.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
