i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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