I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
