fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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