I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
