thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
