Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So here I am, sexting at work.
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