After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
