Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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