They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
