You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
