Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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