Rock
Scissors
Fuck
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
