dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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