Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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