official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
