i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
