You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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