My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
