I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
