You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
