We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
