Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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