i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I look better un-naked...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
