someone owes me an orgasm
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
