Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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