hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
