I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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