Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
