haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
