I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
