My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
being pregnant is like rehab
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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