Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
