Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
