So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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