if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
