Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
