if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
