Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
