remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
