what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
