I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
