She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
