Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
