We're like a lot better than the average bears
high people should be assigned attendants
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
