She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
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You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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