i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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