She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
