Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
