I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
