His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
