this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
