I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
did i just pee glitter
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
