Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
