last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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