chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
