Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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