I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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