I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
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Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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