I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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