..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
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I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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