DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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