God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize