She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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