Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
